Back in the days there was a friend of mine who proposed to the lady he wanted to marry.
He invited a group of friends and made a very dramatic proposal, falling on one knee like Lancelot he looked up at this girl (Boyz 2 Men’s “On Bended Knee” was uncoincidentally playing in the background) and pledged his undying love with a little box he handed her.
She was all teary eyed as she opened it and lo and behold she saw and then displayed to all and sundry an engagement ring and the keys to a brand new car.
The “yes” that came out from her mouth in acquiescence must have set new decibel levels as she screamed in excitement and he swept her off her feet while all the girls present were fanning themselves with their hands while simultaneously choking on their emotions at this “romantic display of love”.
We could almost literally see Cupid’s Arrow in the air.
But I have been around and seen a little, so while everyone (admittedly just the ladies) were trying to catch their breath I was thinking in my head how everything would play out.
Suffice it to say they got married shortly after with pomp and ceremony, but it was the happenstances of the immediate aftermath that interested me.
After the wedding we thought Bros Lancelot would carry his Guinevere to his palace but alas it was straight to his friend’s house where he was squatting.
After a few months the creditors showed up to collect the money he borrowed to buy the brand new car, and from that point it was one “gbese” after the other.
As I speak the marriage has been dissolved after years of intractable crises.
It all began by majoring on the minors and minoring on the majors.
I did say when I addressed the ladies yesterday- “spend more time and resources preparing for the marriage than for the wedding.”
That piece of advice swings both ways.
There was this other chap that came to see me who was dating a girl I knew, and so she asked him to see me first as he said he wanted to marry her and she trusted my judgment.
As I got talking to him to know the sort of person he was somewhere in our conversation he dropped a shell.
He said “my daddy has not been good to me.”
I was first taken aback at how a grown man would use “daddy” so freely in a conversation but I took it in and asked just how his “daddy” had not been good to him.
He replied that his father hadn’t sent him money for his upkeep in a while.
I asked him how old he was and he said “27 years old”.
It took me all my willpower not to unload my mind on him, so all I asked was, “At your age is your dad meant to be sending you money or are you meant to be sending him money?”
I continued “Do you realise Gowon was just 2 or so years older than you when he became Head of State? You want your daddy to send you money for upkeep at 27 but you have already grabbed someone’s daughter”
At that I promptly sent him away .
Guys listen, if you want to get married you must remember some basic things.
You must first have discovered your identity and gotten a sense of purpose before you take someone’s daughter to the altar.
The Bible calls the woman a “help” for the man.
Have you ever heard of anyone who helps another person do nothing?
You have no business going to marry a woman when you have not defined your direction in life.
You should think beyond the rotundity of her posterior and the perkiness of her anterior before you get married.
Get ahold of yourself and put your life in order before looking for a life companion.
If you don’t know where you are headed to how can you take someone else on the journey?
Get accommodation before you get a wife.
Adam had the Garden of Eden before Eve showed up so don’t take someone’s child to go squat somewhere.
And most importantly, get a J-O-B. No matter how small.
Get a source of income and stop telling us only about your character and what you intend to accomplish.
Get up and do something, mere intentions are insufficient. Nobody builds a reputation on what he intends to do.
Before you talk about getting married make sure you can put food on the table.
Especially for our Christian men out there, stop telling us how much character you have.
Character doesn’t pay the bills, and unless you intend to feed your family with the fruit of the Spirit it also cannot fill hungry stomachs.
Get wise and get cracking.